I Had to Find My Way, The Day You Broke My Heart You Handed Me a Chance to Make a Brand New Start You Helped Me Find My Way

The past few days have been very enlightening. I feel that I should share my findings with all of you.

First of all for those of you who don't know my father was forced to go to the hospital on Tuesday. The day before he had gone in for a stress test and it came back abnormal. They sent him to Crawford Long for a heart catheter and I was really freaked out about it. It turns out that he's fine and just has to watch his cholesterol and take some medication for his blood pressure. No biggie but my whole family was really worried about it so thank the Lord for being amazing like always!

I went and saw Legally Blonde while I was home and thoroughly enjoyed it. Seeing the production really recharged me with feelings of girl power and reminded me that eventually you're gonna end up on top. It was a very nostalgic evening. Especially when it came for "So Much Better" it reminded me of when I got cast for the first time. The rush, the disbelief, tackling everyone in sight. It was a nice memory :) But it's a great show, maybe not the most well-executed, but really enjoyable!

The next day I went and saw Micah. And I was suprised by how easy it was. Like we just picked up where we left off. I didn't get upset after seeing him. I was totally fine. Do I miss him? Yes. Do I want things to be different? Of course. But I'm finally ok with it. I've accepted it. I realized that it's not happening at the moment (or maybe never, who knows?) And I'm compeletly alright with it. After hanging with him I went to hang with my mom at Best Buy, Target, and then Subway to get food before our movie started.

As I was perusing through the book aisle I came across a book that sort of took me by surprise. He's Just NOT That in to You. I was fully aware that it was a movie and in fact had seen it and loved it. It opened my eyes to a lot of stuff but I didn't know that it was a book first. Hmm. . . I pondered, I really should give this a read.

I picked it up (along with a really cute princess piggie bank!) and headed to see The Proposal with Mama. Great movie. Ryan Reynolds can make my babies any time he wants. He's gorgeous!

I started reading the book as soon as I got home. Very easy read. But here's the thing. If a guy is really in to me, he's gonna make it happen. He WILL ask me out. He WILL call. He won't forget about me, and girls we really don't give guys enough credit. They are just as resourceful and we are and will find a way to get in touch with us, whether he has to ask a friend, stalk Facebook, or look up and dial every name in the phone book to find you. If he wants you he'll put up the effort.

And you know what else ladies!?!? We've GOT to stop making excuses for guys! Any excuse they give you is a polite way of saying "I'm just not that in to you." We're all dating the same guy. He's super busy, just got out a serious relationship and wants to take things slow, blah blah blah. You've heard it all before. These guys are LAZY and who wants to date a lazy guy? And not only that, if YOU have to do the asking, what does that say about him? If he really wanted to date you he would ask. He's not too shy and he doesn't want to ruin your friendship.

So this is my new mantra. I'm not doing any more chasing. I'm not voluntarily giving guys my number anymore. If you want to be with me, guess what? You're gonna have to work for it. And yes I know it's gonna suck having to essentially wait around on mister right to find me. But honestly? Any guy that I have been in a relationship with where I asked him out, has ended. Guys like to chase us! It's more fun for them and gives them an ego boost.

This is going to sound cocky but I'm a good catch. And so are YOU, you foxy lady you! Women are worth more than having to make excuses for useless guys. So let's not do it anymore. If you're a chick and you're reading this GO PICK UP THAT BOOK NOW! And then go see the movie :)

And the enlightenment continues. . .
I was driving home from HCO today and was listening to my absolute favorite radio station in the world CosmoRadio on Sirius 111 and XM 162. My favorite DJ's Taylor, Victoria, and Kenny (Ok, everyone at Cosmo is my fav lol), shared some interesting statistics with me.

-86% of women are married by the time they are 40.
I'm stoked because I have 20 more years for a man to find me!
But then I recieve this piece of news. . .

-The average marrying age of American women is 25.

OH MY DEAR GOD.
I turn 20 in like two weeks.
SO in five years I'm supposed to be married or on my way to it?
Yes I understand a lot can happen in five years. . . BUT MY LORD!?!?!?!?!! I still feel really young. . . and 25 is young too!

I freaked out a little about this. I'm really upset about turning 20... I'm getting old and I don't like it!

But life is great :)
I'm deleting all of my online dating accounts. :)
And I'm thrilled about it.

Dream Within Reach, Don't Stray Beyond.

As many of you know, I don't sleep much. Or at least when I try to it's not a solid night's sleep. Stupid nightmares will wake me up or I'll just wake up for no reason. Unless I drink the night before haha. But last night was the first night in a long time where I slept soundly. And I had the most amazing dream. And it seemed so real. It was like my life was perfect. Megan and Chris were there with me hanging out in some random field while the sun was setting. And he was there. We all laughed and talked until the sun went down and gazed at the stars. He held me. And then he kissed me and life ended as I knew it, just like it always had before. And for a split moment all was right in the world. . .

And then I woke up. :( *Sigh*

I haven't really updated because nothing is really going on in my life. I'm constantly missing people. Even though I'm surrounded by a lot of people I feel alone. All the time. It's weird. I miss Megan. I miss Chris from home. I miss my puppies, Honey and Sugar. I even miss random people from high school that I hardly ever think about. And I'm pretty sure it goes without saying who I miss the most.

My fourth of July was ok. Hung out with work friends which was fun. But of course the fire department was there to monitor fireworks and such which made me a little sad. For some reason the fourth is a very romantic holiday. I don't know if it's the fact that it's summertime or the fireworks. . . or the fact that I'm usually with someone in a romantic fashion. The fireworks were beautiful and I could only think of one person that I wanted to share them with. Don't get me wrong I had fun :) I just wish. . . well, that things were different.

Work is going ok.

I'm addicted to Victoria's Secret :( I bought a new miracle bra last week which I've been wanting since September, and it's FINALLY gone on sale. From 50 bucks to 25. I was impressed with my patience. Ya gotta love sem-annual sales. My bathing suit separates were like 7 bucks each. But then I went to VS AGAIN and bought 5 pairs of really cute *PINK* undies. And then I went online and saw that the sales continue! I bought a pretty babydoll slip in light blue with matching undies. Can't wait till it comes in!

I'm going to see Legally Blonde next week!
And then I'll be home for almost a week for my birthday. And then 42nd Street!

YAY!

Comparisons Are Easily Done Once You've Had a Taste of Perfection

I never finished updating about the last two day of VBS. Fail me, I know but they went great so now worries.

But now I need to vent, which is a normal occurrence but ya know what? This is totally a legit reason to vent.

As many of you I've been playing around in the online dating scene. So recently, I met a guy on there. We talked on the phone and what not and he seemed perfect. Superhardcore Christian, plays guitar, sings, GORGEOUS, ridiculously tall, wants to be a firefighter *swoons*, and has a lot of moral values. He is totally cool about me waiting till I get married to have sex and respects me, ya da ya da ya da.

I meet him tonight. First of all, homeskillet brought his friend along. FAIL. But his friend was really hott so I didn't complain to much but his was our first "date" ya know? We went and saw Pelham 123 which btw is an AWESOME movie. GO see it. Like right now. . . well, finish reading my post and then go, ha ha ha :)

Anyway during the movie we're just holding hands nothing major and I'm thinking "Wow, this guy isn't gonna try to feel me up. . . I can't believe it this is great!" After the movie we (all THREE of us) go to my apt just to chill out and what not. His friend (poor guy) apparently has been through the mill lately and he just needed to vent about some relationship stuff, which was actually very insightful. And me and my date are just cuddling on the couch and it's all real low-key.

Well then his friend decides he wants to play piano. So my date decides this is an opportunity to make a move and freaking starts feeling me up! After he told me the day before that he would never do that on the first date. I moved his persistent hands several times and he was like I'm sorry should we do this later? And I was like yeah in a few months or so! WTF!?! Then he asks if we can go hang out in my bedroom. And I tell him ya know what? I've got a better idea, let's take a walk, outside. We go out side and tell him that I think his behavior is super inappropriate and I thought he was going to be a decent guy. He apologizes and says that I'm right and that he's way out of line and he promises to behave. So I say ok and we keep walking and he tells me that I'm so gorgeous and beautiful and that he really likes me. And then he kisses me. AND STARTS FEELING ME UP AGAIN!

GRRRRRRRRRRR!
I told him he better keep his hands in check. . . and he says he's just not used to being around really pretty girls. First of all I'm not all that and a bag of chips ya know? I'm ok. I'm kind of pretty but not like something to gawk over. So I ask if he just thinks it's ok to be overly touchy with pretty people? And he says no it's not, he's just an affectionate guy. There is a DEFINITE difference between affection and practically molesting! UGH! And he seemed so great. After that escapade I make a comment about the time and how his friend has a curfew and so they leave.

And now I'm furious because I KNEW this was too good to be true. I'm so annoyed. I shouldn't be dealing with this crap. I'm tired of meeting and going out with little boys. I want a man. I just wish he wanted me too. . .

I'm suppose to be hanging out with my old best friend Chris this weekend. Hopefully I'll be able to make it. My work schedule is kind of up in the air.

Went to the pool today. I'm super sunburnt :)

Boomerang Express! VBS 2009: Day 3

"Because He gave His life
Because He bled and died
Because He rose again
I come
I admit to God I am a sinner
And I repent and turn away from all my sin
And I believe that Jesus is the Son of God and that
He came in to the world to save us all
I confess my faith in Jesus as my Savior and my Lord
And I do this because of His great Love.
Because He loves me so
Because He made me whole
Because He is my friend
I come
For the wages of sin is death
But the gift of God is eternal life
Through Jesus Christ
So will you admit to God you are a sinner?
Will you repent and turn away from all your sin?
Will you believe that Jesus is the Son of God
And that He came into the world to save us all?
Will you confess your faith in Jesus as your Savior and your Lord?
Will you do this because of His great Love?"

So simple. Yet so true. These are the lyrics to the song that we learned tonight. Wednesday nights during VBS are very important because the emphasis is on evangelism for the evening. The teachers take time out of each of their lessons and explain the ABC's to becoming a Christian.

The ABC song on day three in the previous years is normally very upbeat and the kids LOVE it! But this year Jeff Slaughter, the composer decided to make the ABC song a ballad. I was extremely skeptical since the ABC song is such a hit every year. I listened to it and thought that it was gorgeous, but is it going to hit home with the kids? I didn't think so.

I was wrong.

As I watched my students perform the sign language to this beautiful song I became very moved. How easy it really is! It baffles me how in simple childlike faith we all can come to Him and admit our sins, believe in him, and confess our faith. And BOOM! You're a child of God. Wow! How incredible that God would give up his Son just for me? This simple girl from Henry County, Georgia was spared because Jesus loves me. And ya know what's crazy? He died for everyone. Not just me who doesn't deserve it at all. But the people who REALLY don't deserve it. . . it's insane to think about!

The kids loved the song. And now I have to do decide who's going to perform what when the parents come on Friday. EEK!

Boomerang Express! VBS 2009: Day Two

"It all comes back to JESUS!"

Can I just say how much I LOVE teaching these kids? It's hard work and it can be really exhausting but there is nothing I would rather be doing than teaching them ways to worship God through song and dance. It's one of the most rewarding things because they get so excited about the music and how everything applies back to Jesus.

Me and my four's and five's class got into quite a riveting discussion about Jesus. The lesson they learned in class (which of course directly correlates with the song they learn in my class) was about when Jesus walked on water and asked Peter to trust him. Peter of course took his eyes off Jesus and started to sink in the middle of this HUGE storm on the Sea of Galilee. . . but *DUH DUH DUH DUH!* Jesus grabs Peter before he starts to drown. Then everyone got back in the boat because the storm was over and the disciples all bowed down and worshipped Jesus.

After having the kids give me their own versions of the bible story I have to ask them a series of questions to get into the song for the day.

Me: Ok, so can anyone tell me why we worship Jesus?
Child #1: Because He's Jesus!
Me: Great answer. . . anyone else?
Child #2: Because we go to church! And our mommy's and daddy's tell us to!
Me: Um. . . well that's close! Who else?
Child #3: (who is having a major fit because I haven't called on her yet) BECAUSE HE'S THE MESSIAH!
At this point I'm impressed that the child in question can even say "Messiah"
Me: That's right! Jesus is the Messiah or God's Son. And God gave his only son to die on a cross to save ALL of us from our sins! Does anyone know how we know this?
Child #4: Because you told us!
Me: . . . .
Me: That's right I did tell you. . . but is there something else that tells us this?
Child #5: We know this because Jesus gave us church, and food and our houses and ALL of our toys, and my dog and kitty. . .
Me: Well, yes he does give us many blessings. But is there a BOOK that tells us this?
All Children: THE BIBLE!

And now you understand why I love VBS. Those kids are so freaking funny!

Tonight I think I'm going to have to get some coffee before we get started. By the time I'm done I'm freakin exhausted!

AND. . .
Jamie is suppose to be going on date two after VBS one day this week :)
Yay for pretty boys!
I love you guys thanks for all your prayers!

Boomerang Express! VBS 2009: Day 1

Today was my first day of Vacation Bible School for the week. Our theme this year is Boomerang Express. . . it's like an Aussie theme. But I'm teaching the music for the third year in a row and I have to say, I have quite a handful of kids. There were a little over a hundred that came through.

Ok so here's a basic layout of how the evening works. We have a Worship Rally starting promptly at 6:00 where I lead the kids (along with the help of my trusty assistant Jordon) in saying the pledges, the motto, a prayer, and singing a couple of songs. Then the kids leave and we get a break for about 40-ish minutes to get water, review our songs we have to teach, and chill out. Then at 7:05 the 5th and 6th graders come in. These are the oldest kids that I have to teach and let me just say, 5th and 6th graders think they are too cool to do music time. But they usually cooperate with a little pleading. We have each group for 20 minutes. Then my angelic 3rd and 4th come in. They are darlings because not only are they old enough to learn the songs quickly, they are very enthusiastic and think that Jordon and I are the coolest teachers ever.

And then come 1st and 2nd grade. Oh my. Well they are sweet as they can be and really love music time. . . but they are just a little bit ADHD. They are really adorable because you ask them a question about anything and the answer, no matter what the question is ALWAYS Jesus. Hahahaha. Too freaking cute.

Well. . . you would think the evening would be close to over. Oh no. The four and five year olds are next. And they are STOKED about music. I mean really. But they are SOOOOO excited that they can't sit still and ask a thousand questions. They are quite a handful. But we get everything done and don't have too many problems.

This year I was asked to add another class on to my normal four rotations. Two and three year olds. Now I'm not sure if you are aware, but preschoolers and toddlers. . . they have to do things a thousand times over and over again to learn a song and have to be told to sit still and pay attention, and let's be honest, the choreography and song lyrics are WAY too difficult for them. But I was asked and I will follow through, but next year this will not be an option. It's way too much for them, and by the time they come in I am exhausted and only have 5 minutes before we have to do the closing rally.

Tonight's song was really cute. It's called "I'm-a Gonna Follow." The kids really liked it.

I'm realizing that teaching is really my calling. I love hanging out with the kids and they really look up to you.



IN OTHER NEWS:
I went on a date last night :)
With a really GORGEOUS guy. . . and I really like him. He seems like a great guy and hopefully we'll be doing something again later on this week. YAY! But I'm being careful, just in case anyone's wondering :)

Your Voice Was the Soundtrack of My Summer, Do You Know You're Unlike Any Other? You'll Always Be My Thunder. . . So Bring on the Rain <3

For some reason I'm feeling incredibly alone tonight.
Maybe it's because my supposed best friend's family tried to get me in trouble with my parents.
Maybe it's because I went on a date last night that didn't go so well.
Maybe it's because I'm becoming more and more disconnected from people.
Maybe it's because I'm madly in love with someone who doesn't love me back.
Maybe it's because I can't have a dog.
Or maybe it's because I'm a whiny bitch.

When I get lonely I make really bad decisions. Which I'm trying to avoid doing right now. . . even though I so desperatly want to call this person and tell them to come over since I'm in Henry County right now.

But that would be stupid. :(

What would it matter though? I mean honestly? The only person it's gonna hurt is me. And I find that irrelevant at this point. Let's be honest I can't get much broken than I am now.

I am tired of being in this funk! I'm tired of being emo. I HATE being like this!
I used to be this ball of happiness. In high school I was such an incredibly happy person but now. . . I don't know where that girl is. Or who that girl is. I don't know who I am now anymore. And I hate it when people say that but I feel like that's where I'm at now. What's wrong with me? It's almost as if I need something to live for.

This is my normal day. I wake up at 11 or later. I get ready to go to work. I go to work from 2-10:30 or later. I go home. I sit on the internet and maybe talk to a few people. I got to bed and do it all over again.

Monotony.

Don't get me wrong, I'm getting to a point where I actually love going to work. Keeps my mind busy. Hopefully, I'll be getting a promotion soon. I really want to be a Team Leader. Which means another raise.

I'm teaching VBS at home next week. And I'm really scared. Not about teaching the kids. I love it, and they're great. But, I'm suppose to put in some time at Truett's. And we all know who works there too. Hopefully we'll be on opposite shifts or something. I don't think I'll be able to handle it. Actually, I can handle it at work. I won't be able to keep myself together at home though. . . and that'll be worse.

I went and saw Jersey Boys tonight. I LOVED it! Even though there were a TON of older people there dancing around drunk off their asses thinking they were at a concert. *Rolls Eyes* I mean really people? It was very annoying. But the show was amazing and in that two hour span I was happy. And then I had to leave my sanctuary, my escape. The theatre is a truly magical place and sometimes just being there can give you this rush that you can't explain. It's a wonderful place to go. But then you have to come home. . .
:)