For some reason I'm feeling incredibly alone tonight.
Maybe it's because my supposed best friend's family tried to get me in trouble with my parents.
Maybe it's because I went on a date last night that didn't go so well.
Maybe it's because I'm becoming more and more disconnected from people.
Maybe it's because I'm madly in love with someone who doesn't love me back.
Maybe it's because I can't have a dog.
Or maybe it's because I'm a whiny bitch.
When I get lonely I make really bad decisions. Which I'm trying to avoid doing right now. . . even though I so desperatly want to call this person and tell them to come over since I'm in Henry County right now.
But that would be stupid. :(
What would it matter though? I mean honestly? The only person it's gonna hurt is me. And I find that irrelevant at this point. Let's be honest I can't get much broken than I am now.
I am tired of being in this funk! I'm tired of being emo. I HATE being like this!
I used to be this ball of happiness. In high school I was such an incredibly happy person but now. . . I don't know where that girl is. Or who that girl is. I don't know who I am now anymore. And I hate it when people say that but I feel like that's where I'm at now. What's wrong with me? It's almost as if I need something to live for.
This is my normal day. I wake up at 11 or later. I get ready to go to work. I go to work from 2-10:30 or later. I go home. I sit on the internet and maybe talk to a few people. I got to bed and do it all over again.
Monotony.
Don't get me wrong, I'm getting to a point where I actually love going to work. Keeps my mind busy. Hopefully, I'll be getting a promotion soon. I really want to be a Team Leader. Which means another raise.
I'm teaching VBS at home next week. And I'm really scared. Not about teaching the kids. I love it, and they're great. But, I'm suppose to put in some time at Truett's. And we all know who works there too. Hopefully we'll be on opposite shifts or something. I don't think I'll be able to handle it. Actually, I can handle it at work. I won't be able to keep myself together at home though. . . and that'll be worse.
I went and saw Jersey Boys tonight. I LOVED it! Even though there were a TON of older people there dancing around drunk off their asses thinking they were at a concert. *Rolls Eyes* I mean really people? It was very annoying. But the show was amazing and in that two hour span I was happy. And then I had to leave my sanctuary, my escape. The theatre is a truly magical place and sometimes just being there can give you this rush that you can't explain. It's a wonderful place to go. But then you have to come home. . .
:)
We've Moved!!
8 years ago
1 comments:
Let me just start off by saying how much I love you, and how much you mean to me. You are NOT a whiney bitch at all; there are things you legitimately want and deserve, but the timing just isn't right. In due time, you will have everything you've ever wanted, and the journey to get there is rough and bumpy, but just stick close to those who love you. We will pull you through it. Not to mention G-d; your faith is the strongest of anyone else I know, and that is something to be valued. G-d can help you through it too.
Don't give in to that other person (boy I don't care for). Remember how you told me about all the good times, and that there is a good side that no one but you has seen? Keep that in mind. The fact that he doesn't share his pleasant side with everyone else is a red flag--he's lazy, unmotivated, and he has a crappy personality. You bring out the best in him, but he doesn't do that for you. As hard as it is to move on, he's not worth lingering over.
And as for Mr. Dreamy, TIMING is the word. It'll all be in the timing. AND DAMNIT IF IT KILLS ME I'M GETTING YOU A DOG. :)
ILY Jahmah lahn! <3
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