Somebody Steal My Heart, I am Ready to be Loved

*NOTE:* The majority of this post is a rant. I realize that most of my posts are but just fair warning if you aren't in the mood to hear me bitch. . . stop reading- NOW. :)

To begin with I had a pretty long day at work. My legs were sore for some reason so that made me irritable. And then once I got off I got a phone call from my brother saying that my speeding ticket never got taken care of and therefore I will now have to pay it. So let's just say I was in a really bitter mood already.

I decided since I was so irritated the best thing to do would be to go get some food and then head over to Barnes and Noble to get a new play for auditions. . . and maybe some ice cream from Marble Slab. After all, I thought I deserved it. :)

I went to Hibachi Express and was sadly dismayed that it was nothing like my beloved Panda Express that I loved and adored back home. Highly dissapointing. I did my devotional there (which I must say, doing my quiet times has really helped a lot and I'm proud of myself for picking them up again.) After a good talk with God, I drove over to the strip mall and decided to go into Life Way because I hadn't been in lightyears. I found a really awesome book that was only 5 bucks about the secrets that women keep and how that affects are walk with God. It looks like an amazing read.

Anyway I headed to the door and decided since it was such a wonderful day outside, I should totally walk to Barnes and Noble because it really isn't far at all.

Bad idea.

I started walking and a guy in black truck is driving up to me. He literally slows down to a snails pace and leans out his window and stares at me. I glance at him and he whistles at me and does that obnoxious nodding thing that guys do. I rolled my eyes and kept walking. Not even 3 minutes later a truck full of guys drives up with their stupid country music blasting and their windows down and yell and scream at me for to hop in with them. I literally stopped and looked at them like the dumb pieces of shit they were and walked into my safe haven. I was so furious. Why was I all of a sudden being treated like this piece of meat?! I found a Neil Labute that I had been wanting to peruse and headed to check out. I paid and walked out. No sooner had I started walking towards Marble Slab, yet ANOTHER car with two guys in it slowed down and whistled at me! WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!

May I add that I was in my High School Drama Club T-Shirt and blue jeans? Nothing even remotely sexy. I mean really?!

Why is that for some reason, lately it seems as if I have this big sign over my head saying "Hey I'm a slut, please try to get in my pants!" I'm not like that at all. I mean I'm totally used to guys looking at my chest instead of my eyes when I'm talking to them, but I'm not a whore and I'm not a piece of ass either. Most guys only see my assets instead of the actual me. Sometimes I wonder if the guys that are interested in my even look at my face at all. Like do you even think I'm kind of pretty?

I just wish people would take the time to get to know me. I can be funny, and smart, and charming and all those things that guys want girls to be. I want to be that girl. You know the one I'm talking about. I want to be the one that walks into a room and everyone looks at her, not because she's got nice tits or a huge ass. . . because she's beautiful and can light up a room with just her smile. The one who always says the funniest things and never stutters when she gets nervous. The one who's never afraid. The one that guys look at and say "Wow, she's got it all together." She's always first choice.

I want to be her. I don't want to be second fiddle anymore. I want to be first pick. I think I would even be satisified if knowing that ONE guy wanted to date me over any other girl. I know this is so self-absorbed of me and selfish to even post this (and it's something that I'm struggling with in my walk with God), but damnit when's it gonna be my turn? Yes, I know that I go on a lot of dates and talk to a lot of guys but what am I to them? A space filler? A good time? Rebound? I can't remember the last time I dated someone where I felt like they actually liked me for who I am.

I apologize for the rant.

In other news. . .
*I have the bestest friend in the whole wide world and everyone should be jealous :) And I miss him more and more everyday :(

*I am officially a Twilight nerd. I've seen the movie and bought a Team Edward shirt. . . and I'm failing myself right now.

*Robert Pattinson. I would like him for my birthday. I'm giving you all fair notice because I know it maybe hard to convince him to surrender himself over to me. . . you have till July. Kthanks :)

*Abercrombie 8 is my new heroine.

*Fruit Loops are kind of awkward when you think about them. . . they're all different colors but all of them taste the same. Weird.

*Apartment hunting is stressful.

*I hmmmmm someone. A lot. :( But they don't hmmmm me. And that's ok. . .

*I have great friends.

"Jamie is a female version of a hustla" ;)