I'll Love You Till the End

I found what will hopefully be my apartment in a month today. The apartments at Hillcrest are absolute perfection. They come with a washer and dryer for crying out loud! I just want to have everything squared away and have it waiting on me until the day I officially move out of here.

Auditions are next week. . . WTF?!?!? I'm so unprepared. I'm still debating on whether or not I will. This semester has just thrown me for a loop and I kind of just want a break. I wish everyone wasn't so stressed out.


Tomorrow I'm going home for Tour. . . and I get to see Micah :) YAY! And I'm also seeing Happy Days the Musical with my mom. . . which will be interesting to say the least. Ok don't judge me the tickets came in our season ticket holder package. We just bought it so we could see A Chorus Line and Wicked. But it'll be fun performing at my mom's school. Plus we get free food. . . and I get to see my puppies!



But I'm not gonna lie. . . I'm really more excited about seeing my super hot boyfriend hehehehe :) I'm such a lucky girl. Micah is absolutely amazing. I'm suprised by how much I've managed to see him lately. Even though in retrospect it feels like it hasn't been a lot. . . it really has. I miss him every second of every day :( *Sigh* Woo-hoo to long distance relationships! It's not really long distance though because he's just in Henry County. It's only a little less than two hours- plus it's home, ya know? But I still miss him like crazy. I am unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him :)



It's a comfort to know that I'm doing exactly what God's intending for me. Yes, I'm stressed out and yes, I hate my life most days (besides the fact that I have the most amazing boyfriend ever), but I'm doing my best to work through it. I'm tired of being miserable and I honestly wish I could just be content with everything I have in my life, because honestly I'm incredibly blessed. Despite the stress, and the worry, and fears.

Plus the nightmares are back *Rolls Eyes*

But God's gonna get me through it. . . one minute at a time.

Kiss Me Too Fiercely, Hold Me Too Tight, I Need Help Believing You're With Me Tonight

The past few weeks have been really bittersweet (and yet very surreal). . . but let's talk about the sweet stuff shall we?
Other than the fact that I've had SEVERAL nervous breakdowns, I feel that life is mostly on the up and up. . . maybe it's because I finally got what I wanted.

For almost two years I've been head over heels for my best friend. He's been my rock and although our friendship is amazing, I always thought it would be even more amazing if we took things to the next level. We talked about it SEVERAL times, and he always shot me down for a plethora of reasons. Our friendship only got stronger. . . which of course made me like him even more :) The past few months have made me realize how much I care about him and really want to be with him. After an awful weekend of me bitching to him about how guys are pigs, I brought it up again. And after a full blown explanation of why I was so persistent and how much I really cared about him, I think it clicked for him. He told me he was going to think about it (which is much more progress than I had ever made), and then by Saturday he told me he wanted to give us a shot. :) YAY! So now we're dating. And I couldn't be happier. I have waited a LONG time for this and although we're taking it really slow, I feel like I'm closer to him than I have been with any other person that I've dated. Maybe it's because we we're already really close as friends to begin with. But this is exactly what I want and what I've been waiting for. And all though the stresses of life are really eating me up, he's right there with me helping me get through it day by day.

I love him :)

And So the Lion Fell in Love With the Lamb. . . What a Stupid Lamb

Overwhelmed.
Yep that's a good way to start this post.

I can honestly say that this semester has been the most stressful one of my life. I have never wanted to break down and cry so much as I have this year. 2009 sucks balls. I'm really blessed don't get me wrong. I've had a ton of wonderful opportunities presented to me. But I'm just stressed out and unhappy. . . there are only a few things that honestly give me complete joy at this point:

1.The thought of my new apartment.

2.The thought of my future puppy Esme or Alice. . . I'm still debating on the name.

3.My friends whom I cherish so much. . . especially Micah who is a God-send and I love with every fiber of my being. . . no seriously without him I'd probably be a nutcase. :)

4.My family. They are so paitent with my schedule even though it kills them that I can't come home and see them as much as I'd like or even call them for that matter.

5.Tour. . . surprisingly, it really makes me smile when we clearly touch a child's heart and mind. For some of them this is the only theatre they will ever experience so I feel like this is something that's really important. Early calls suck though.

6.Coke.

Work is going really well. Things aren't awkward at all which is wonderful. Although I hate having so many hours taken away from my day when I could be doing other things, I really enjoy the people I work with. Plus getting paid rocks.

I'm paying off my speeding ticket next week. *Sigh*

And Saturday I'm going home. If I stay in Columbus much longer I will more than likely rip all of my hair out. Twilight also comes out this weekend! YAY!

Once On This Island is going well. . . I hate stage managing though. I'm just not good at it but I'm learning a lot which will help when it comes time for Directing :) I've just got a lot on my plate right now. I just have to take it one day at a time.

I'm scared.
Really scared.
:(

Somebody Steal My Heart, I am Ready to be Loved

*NOTE:* The majority of this post is a rant. I realize that most of my posts are but just fair warning if you aren't in the mood to hear me bitch. . . stop reading- NOW. :)

To begin with I had a pretty long day at work. My legs were sore for some reason so that made me irritable. And then once I got off I got a phone call from my brother saying that my speeding ticket never got taken care of and therefore I will now have to pay it. So let's just say I was in a really bitter mood already.

I decided since I was so irritated the best thing to do would be to go get some food and then head over to Barnes and Noble to get a new play for auditions. . . and maybe some ice cream from Marble Slab. After all, I thought I deserved it. :)

I went to Hibachi Express and was sadly dismayed that it was nothing like my beloved Panda Express that I loved and adored back home. Highly dissapointing. I did my devotional there (which I must say, doing my quiet times has really helped a lot and I'm proud of myself for picking them up again.) After a good talk with God, I drove over to the strip mall and decided to go into Life Way because I hadn't been in lightyears. I found a really awesome book that was only 5 bucks about the secrets that women keep and how that affects are walk with God. It looks like an amazing read.

Anyway I headed to the door and decided since it was such a wonderful day outside, I should totally walk to Barnes and Noble because it really isn't far at all.

Bad idea.

I started walking and a guy in black truck is driving up to me. He literally slows down to a snails pace and leans out his window and stares at me. I glance at him and he whistles at me and does that obnoxious nodding thing that guys do. I rolled my eyes and kept walking. Not even 3 minutes later a truck full of guys drives up with their stupid country music blasting and their windows down and yell and scream at me for to hop in with them. I literally stopped and looked at them like the dumb pieces of shit they were and walked into my safe haven. I was so furious. Why was I all of a sudden being treated like this piece of meat?! I found a Neil Labute that I had been wanting to peruse and headed to check out. I paid and walked out. No sooner had I started walking towards Marble Slab, yet ANOTHER car with two guys in it slowed down and whistled at me! WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!

May I add that I was in my High School Drama Club T-Shirt and blue jeans? Nothing even remotely sexy. I mean really?!

Why is that for some reason, lately it seems as if I have this big sign over my head saying "Hey I'm a slut, please try to get in my pants!" I'm not like that at all. I mean I'm totally used to guys looking at my chest instead of my eyes when I'm talking to them, but I'm not a whore and I'm not a piece of ass either. Most guys only see my assets instead of the actual me. Sometimes I wonder if the guys that are interested in my even look at my face at all. Like do you even think I'm kind of pretty?

I just wish people would take the time to get to know me. I can be funny, and smart, and charming and all those things that guys want girls to be. I want to be that girl. You know the one I'm talking about. I want to be the one that walks into a room and everyone looks at her, not because she's got nice tits or a huge ass. . . because she's beautiful and can light up a room with just her smile. The one who always says the funniest things and never stutters when she gets nervous. The one who's never afraid. The one that guys look at and say "Wow, she's got it all together." She's always first choice.

I want to be her. I don't want to be second fiddle anymore. I want to be first pick. I think I would even be satisified if knowing that ONE guy wanted to date me over any other girl. I know this is so self-absorbed of me and selfish to even post this (and it's something that I'm struggling with in my walk with God), but damnit when's it gonna be my turn? Yes, I know that I go on a lot of dates and talk to a lot of guys but what am I to them? A space filler? A good time? Rebound? I can't remember the last time I dated someone where I felt like they actually liked me for who I am.

I apologize for the rant.

In other news. . .
*I have the bestest friend in the whole wide world and everyone should be jealous :) And I miss him more and more everyday :(

*I am officially a Twilight nerd. I've seen the movie and bought a Team Edward shirt. . . and I'm failing myself right now.

*Robert Pattinson. I would like him for my birthday. I'm giving you all fair notice because I know it maybe hard to convince him to surrender himself over to me. . . you have till July. Kthanks :)

*Abercrombie 8 is my new heroine.

*Fruit Loops are kind of awkward when you think about them. . . they're all different colors but all of them taste the same. Weird.

*Apartment hunting is stressful.

*I hmmmmm someone. A lot. :( But they don't hmmmm me. And that's ok. . .

*I have great friends.

"Jamie is a female version of a hustla" ;)

This Has Been a Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Weekend :(

I am a firm believer in the concept of bad things happen in threes. And three really shitty things happened this weekend. Let's start in chronological order (which also happens to be order of importance as well.)
1. I will not be an RA next year.
*Friday I was emailed that I was not selected for the team next year. At first I was beyond furious. But now I realize I can work and do shows and not worry about duty nights, events, bulletin boards, and late night calls. It'll be less stress. I called my mom and told her the news and informed me that we can't afford to keep me in housing if there is a required meal plan and if my housing is no longer free. :( It's unfortunate because I really love RiverPark, but my financial situation just sucks right now. At least I can have a puppy now :)
2. I refuse to eat at McDonalds EVER again.
*Friday night I got so incredibly sick from a freaking happy meal. I was puking my brains out all night. And it just continued to make me feel miserable all into Saturday. It. Was. Awful.
3. I got dumped.
*Sunday I was sitting in my apartment and I got a text from Chris saying he wasn't ready for this whole relationship business. Although I am livid for being led on like this, it's reasonable. He rushed into it KNOWING he wasn't ready. I'm mad at myself for letting it happen. I had already ordered his birthday present and everything. I know he really wanted a Thrasher's jersey so I got one for him and I don't have the heart to cancel the order. I knew I was rebound and I still don't even care. But ya know what? This is my life. And I'm learning to accept that I'm never gonna stop kissing these damn frogs because they're ain't a prince out there good enough for me.

And that's ok.

The men that matter the most in my life were there to pick up the pieces of this horrendous weekend: God, Daddy, Chase, and Micah.

<3

Kiss Today Goodbye

Life is hard.
Really hard.

Why do I do this to myself? I am notorious for spreading myself too thin, taking on more than I can handle, and not asking for help. I want this semester to be over. I'm really glad spring break is here but what will I be doing? Working and homework. Story of my life. I'm trying to work it out so I can go see Danielle next weekend because we are WAY over due for a visit. I miss her lots.

A Chorus Line was PHENOMENAL! I almost cried it was so beautiful. It was incredibly inspiring. I wish I was in half the shape those dancers are in. . . they all had killer bods :) I would like one haha! Too bad Jamie never has time to go to the gym. . .

Things are going heavenly in the relationship department. Chris is an awesome guy and is amazingly patient with me. I bitch and moan a lot because I'm stressed out and he always listens no matter what. And he's not afraid to tell me about his own issues too which is great. I've never had that before. Usually I'm either only listening or only talking. It's nice to get to do both.

And now it's time for a much needed facial... and I think I'm going to get my hair did ;)

If You Liked it Then You Shoulda Put a Ring on it. . .

:)

This week has been. . . interesting to say the least. I am so blessed. Tour was wonderful, I went to homecoming, hung out with Chris, went to my first hockey game, and got a boyfriend all in one week. I am really lucky. Chris is a great guy and I hope he'll stick around for a while. . . I mean I haven't scared him off yet so we'll see.

Hockey is one of my new favorite sports. There's just something about guys ice skating and hitting around a rubber puck with sticks that is really hott. ;) The game was amazing. Thrashers brought their A-game at the end of the third period and handed the Hurricanes their asses. I hope I get to go to another one soon! I really had a blast.

I'm really hoping there isn't going to be any drama. :(

The End.