He's Got You on a Pedestal and Me in His Arms.

I think it's time for a much needed update on my life :)
So here goes. . .
I've finally realized that no matter how much I want to change someones perspective on things. . . I can't. Nothing I say is going to change their mind. And sometimes, maybe that's a good thing. Because when one door closes (and by that I mean you slam that bitch shut, lock it and throw away the key), another one conveniently opens. It's almost as if God was waiting patiently for you to close it so we could move on to the next room. And let me just tell you, the next one appears to be wonderful. . . not that the previous room wasn't mind you. In fact I love that room, more than it'll ever know. . . but I wasn't welcome. And that's ok.

I love cryptic analogies and metaphors :)

Last week I got my very first speeding ticket. . . worst day of my life. But luckily my brother is a cop and somehow finagled it to where it doesn't exist anymore. HOORAY!

School is going. . . very very slowly. Classes are ok. Tour is wonderful but these early calls are KILLING me. I haven't really slept well in the past week. . . excluding last night.

I decided not to apply for the job in New Jersey. I'm writing a new play that I will be directing this summer so I can stay home and be a work-a-holic like I did last summer. Next year I'm definitely doing an internship. I really need to do one before I graduate.

Everyone keeps mentioning their spring break plans, which makes me realize that it's in two weeks. And what am I doing? Nothing. Go figure. Just like I normally do. I wish I could just up and go to NYC. I really need a vacation.

Two of my AM classes are cancelled on Friday so I'm stoked about catching up on sleep. Especially since today and Thursday are going to be brutal. Tonight I'm closing so I'll get home around 11 but I won't actually go to sleep until probably 12 or 1. . . and then I have to be up at 4:30 for tour. Two shows and then off to work again. Kill my soul haha!

I guess I should save the best news for last. Um. . . well I'm kinda talking to someone new. I know, I know, this is just the same old song and dance: Jamie meets a guy that she likes, they talk for a week or two and then he's gone for one of several reasons. One: He's a stalker. Two: He can't handle my life. Three: He's not that into me. Four: I'm not good enough. Or Five: I'm not that into him. 1-3 are usually the cases. 4 happens frequently. And five happens once in a blue moon.

I don't wanna be cliche and say "But this one's different," I mean hell I don't know if it really is all that different. But it's very promising. I like him a lot. In retrospect of the situation, and from the outside looking in, it would appear as if I'm rebound. And maybe I am. I have been assured that I'm not, but I don't seem to mind playing second fiddle. I'm used to it. . . The situation reminds me of that movie My Best Friend's Wedding. I'm Kimmy essentially. I've pretty much got the guy, but somehow there's this lurking presence that I can't shake. If this relationship continues (which I really hope it will), maybe it will go away with time. But until then it's sort of stressing me out. I don't feel desired or wanted. I feel. . . convenient. It's almost as if I'm just the transition to keep his mind off of the break up. But whatever makes him happy I guess.

Just FYI:
At the end of the movie Kimmy gets the guy ;)

Hehehehehe!

Time After Time, I Find That I'm Struggling To Tell You What's Burning Inside

So I'm really worried about a lot of things right now. It always seems like as soon as I get out of one really stressful situation, something else pops up immediately after. The latest stress? A mandatory meal plan that I can't afford. I won't discuss it anymore because I get really worked up just thinking about it. I just have to remind myself that God will provide and he doesn't give me anything I can't handle.

I'm scared for my sake that we're getting too close. I consider you my best friend and I wish you understood where I'm coming from.

In other news, I'm applying for a job in New Jersey. . . it's a wonderful opportunity. I should know something within the next week or so if I get a call back. Oh stress. Also I'm stage managing the show I wanted for class, which is a relief. India and I have started a new Friday ritual: Facials after class accompanied with Starbucks. . . Yummy!

Don't Go Wasting Your Emotions

I hardly ever have any regrets. I believe you learn something from every encounter you have. My latest one made me realize that your closest friends should ALWAYS come before potential love interests. But in the end sometimes they can make you that much closer.

In other news one of my friends from back home passed away today. :(
I'm going home this weekend for like a half day because I'm on duty, but I need to be home for a little bit. I need an escape.

And although Edward Cullen is a fictional character. . . I love him. HAHAHA :) Yay for Twilight!