It's Chill in the Wind But it's Warm in Your Arms. . . We've All Got Our Junk, and My Junk is You.

The weather today is GORGEOUS! I love the fall. It reminds me of so many things. . . mainly high school related and early college years. Like to me the soundtrack for fall is Spring Awakening. I love driving home in the morning hours with the windows down and the radio blasting My Junk and Don't Do Sadness. Football, Colorguard, Pretty sunny days with a cool breeze and light sweaters, the leaves changing, Halloween, going home, Thanksgiving. . . I just love it. It also reminds me of happy times relationship wise. October is such a romantic month. Well, I guess since I haven't been updating much I should probably recount my actions for the past few weeks.

I've been as busy as ever doing crew things for Streetcar and Tortuga. I've also been working up a storm. My first directing analysis nearly killed me. I know I did horribly because I waited so long to start it. My next one will be amazing. Luckily my scene goes up Thursday and it's going to be wonderful. My actors are really great and have done a fantastic job.

As for my romantic affairs. . . basically I've decided I need to hand out pamphlets to all boys who are seeking anything with me. In it, it shall plainly state that I am a horrible, selfish, girl who has a lot of baggage and is already in love with a man that you could never even dream of competing with. So please don't start falling for me because I still have a lot of growing up I need to do. I'm so tired of leading all of these guys on. I know what I want. And I know I can't have it. That doesn't change the fact that I want to try still. Isn't that stupid? I mean good God it's been almost 6 months. Shouldn't I be over it by now?

Kenny and Sarah on CosmoRadio did a special about breakups. I need to find out when the replay is and have a listen.

I think I'm horribly selfish because even though I'm more than aware of my faults, I still want that companionship. I still want someone to love me, even though I really don't have anything left to give in return. How awful am I?

I hate that I hurt him. . . and I hate that I'm not making it any easier. I just hate myself for all this garbage.

Damnit. . . one day I'll be over it. But today is not the day. And until I stop talking the talk and start walking the walk. . . I'm probably just going to find a new victim to take on.

Please pray for me that I'll kill off my selfish desires and think about the other people I'm hurting. I think deep down I want someone to feel just as badly as I do.