Let me Take You Down Cause, I'm Going to Strawberry Fields

This blog is thought provoking. Prepared to be shocked since it's coming from me.

I have often pondered this phenomeon that America has forced upon myself and other naive consumers throughout the nation.

Today I was on a Wal*Mart adventure with Claire because I needed to pick up a few things (which, of course because I did not make a list, turned into a lot of things). As I was perusing the Grocery section we stumbled upon the frozen foods, which of course in the exotic language of girl-anese translates into only one thing: ICE CREAM! I honestly do not remember the last time I bought it at the store so I couldn't pass up a date with my two favorite boys- Ben and Jerry.

I opened the freezer door and was astounded by the variety of flavors. How was I suppose to choose just one? And if you know me I'm EXTREMELY indecisive, so this was going to be a challenge. Would it be Marsha, Marsha Marshmallow? Nope, out of stock. Cherry Garcia or Phish Food? Nah, not tonight. It was suddenly becoming more and more apparent the longer I stood there with the smoky freezer fog escaping through the doors of the giant illuminated refrigerator that I was in quite a pickle. How many minutes would I stand there looking like a fool? Would I choose Cake Batter or Mint Chocolate Chip? Half Baked or Chunky Monkey?

As I finally grabbed a pint of Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough, I wondered why Ben and Jerry had to make it so complicated? Why so many choices? I don't need that many choices. This hasn't been the first time I've encountered this problem. Buying toothpaste is a huge issue. That aisle is enormous! Not only are there so many different brands, but you have to decide between whitening, cavity protection, breath freshening, Dora the Explorer, or Disney. It's insane!

It's hard to be an indecisive American. Sometimes, I wish I didn't have so many options.

In other news, I bought a really cool water bottle. :)

Church tomorrow. Waldron Memorial Baptist, here I come!

once upon a time there was a girl who fell in love. . .
the end

Now the Lesson's Learned, I Touched and I Was Burned

I was supposed to go out on a date today. . . and I didn't go. Who the fuck was I kidding? I feel horrible for essentially leading this poor guy on- but I'm not ready. I should be. I wanna be. But I'm not. But I should get points for trying right? Maybe?

My parents have put their foot down on the possibility of me getting a dog. And I'm devastated. I've never lived in a home aside from the dorms where I didn't have a puppy. Yes, it may seem silly to you to get upset over not having a dog. . . and I don't expect anyone to understand. A puppy will love you unconditionally. They won't leave you because they need to get their life together or aren't sure of what they want. They need you just as much as you need them. . . and I'm getting this vibe that I'm not talking about a dog anymore, so we're gonna stop right there.

Apparently my mantra of Trust No One has remained true. Even the people you think are your closest friends can let you down.

I say this a lot but I truly am really blessed. There are points in the day where I think about the wonderful things that God has given me and I wonder why I'm still unhappy. I have a great apartment, a nice job (which I just got a raise at!), a wonderful car, pretty good friends, etc.

I'm going to church sunday. . . Maybe God's trying to tell me something. Keep praying for me.

You Said There's Tons of Fish in the Water, So the Waters I Will Test

I'm sitting in the living room of my dorm, surrounded by boxes and tubs full of all of my stuff that I've accumulated over the past two years. Tyra's on and Megan is sitting on the floor making a collage.

I signed the lease on my new apartment. I am so content :)
As soon as I sign my checkout form for RiverPark Student Housing I think I will be at complete peace.
When Chase and I walked into our new home I literally was jumping up and down because I was so freaking happy. . .

I haven't felt like that in a long time. It's almost as if I'd forgotten what it's really like to be happy.

My mom's bringing some of my furniture down tomorrow.
Um. . .
I miss you. . . a lot.

My apartment has a pool :) Yay for tanning and swimming!

Life's pretty great for the most part. . . trying not to complain.

And on and on I rummage through my vault of used up sayings. . . but really what's the point if we're just coasting on the surface?

The semester from hell is over. This week has been the most miserable and horrible week of my life. I don't drink and all I've wanted to do is get shitfaced. I dont wanna feel anything. Work is kind of the only thing really holding me together now that Tour is over. Finals suck ass. . .
I did not realize how many tears the human body can produce.

I passed my jury. I went in and did my monologues and then Brenda and Becky asked me how my semester went. And I broke down and cried because it was so hellacious.

I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm walking around like a zombie.

I'm scared.

I'm going to Henry County tomorrow. I hate having to pretend like nothing's wrong. . . like I'm really ok, when I'm not. I hate having to lie to my mom so she won't be on my case about this whole thing. I hate not being understood.

I thank God that I got what I wanted. . . I just wish it would have lasted a little bit longer than it did.

If you're reading this please keep me in your prayers.

Totally F*cked

I just don't know anymore. Like I really don't know.

Once Upon a Time in a Far Away Kingdom, Man Made Up a Story Said That I Should Believe Him

ONCE ON THIS ISLAND IS OVER!!! Thank God :) I'm not gonna lie, I will miss the people I worked with but I will NOT miss rehearsals and stress. I almost cried when I left the theatre Monday because I was so relieved.

But the madness will not stop. The worst is over but there's still more to go. I will have Dance Extravaganza rehearsals until we perform next Thursday. I still have to work in between all of this. I have a research paper that I need to do well on. I have two hard core history exams that I have to ace. And then there's my prompt book that needs to be finished. Plus a crap ton of checkouts that I have scheduled until the day I actually checkout. Also there's still duty nights and the Spring Fling. I'm supposed to go see Beauty and the Beast this weekend because it's a lot of my friends' last show in high school, but I don't know how I'm gonna make it up there. Sunday is our last day for Alexander. It's bittersweet. I'm glad I don't have any more early calls, but this cast has really bonded. I love every single one of those people with every fiber of my being. And I really hope that our friendships don't stop here.

And then May 11th we move into our apartment! HOORAY! I'm super excited and I can't wait to be in my own space. I really need to start packing but who has the time???

I'm scared. Of next week. Of the next week. Of the summer. Of next semester. Of life.

I'm trying to swallow the fact that I probably won't be able to see Micah this weekend. I have so much to do down here :( But I miss him soooo much. Grrrrrr. . . .

I don't know if I'm even going to get to do my freestage because everyone and their mother's brother is doing a musical revue. Even though mine will be different because it's a cabaret, it's still held in that category. *Rolls eyes* Not fair.

But life isn't fair.

I'm tired of bitching

That's all I fucking do anymore.

And I Feel Like I Can Fly When I Stand Next to You

I'm supposed to be finishing up a research paper right now. . . but I'm so easily distracted :) I haven't blogged in a while so I thought NOW would be a PERFECT time to update hahahahaha.
Food Network is on which is probably a mistake on my part. I haven't watched it in a REALLY long time and they're doing a cake challenge and of course, those are my favorite. *Sigh* I want to go to culinary school. There are times where I wonder why I'm at CSU and want to stop and just go cook and bake stuff. I feel like I wouldn't be good enough and would have wasted a lot of time here. Don't worry I'm not dropping out of school or changing my major because I want to teach theatre more than anything. But there are times where I want to take a break from it all and do something else that I love for a minute. There are so many things that I want to do while I'm still young. I'm realizing that I'm not nearly as good at this whole college thing than I thought I was. I can't handle this much stress at once. Once On This Island goes up tomorrow so I'm super stoked about it being over. It's been a learning experience and I'm grateful for the relationships I've made, but I am not stage manager material. It takes a truly gifted person to do all that. . . and that's not me.

I miss home. I miss my parents and even my stupid little brother. I miss my dogs. I miss my Micah. :(

Things with him are great by the way. We went and saw Chitty Chitty Bang Bang last Thursday. Even though it should have been titled Shitty Shitty Bang Bang, it was still a lot of fun ;) Ok I shouldn't be so critical. It was a beautiful show technically. Impeccable lighting design and phenomenal set. And the car actually flew. . . that was pretty balling. But the acting. . . a little lackluster to be honest. The show wasn't very well written either. I guess I set my standards too high since the movie was soooo amazing. But none of that really mattered because I was with my most favoritest person in the whole wide world :) *Sigh* I love him so much. I love the way his arms feel when he holds me. I love that I can talk to him for hours and not get bored. I love the way he smells. I love that my life ends as I know it every time he kisses me. I love how he's always there for me and for some strange reason puts up with my whining and bitching and complaining. He's so awesome. But what I love most of all. . . he loves me too. :) Yay!

And I should finish that paper. . . almost done! I don't think any of my thoughts are very coherent at this point because I'm so tired. I feel like I'll realize this when I read my paper and this post tomorrow lol. :)